So does death change people? I guess it does, specially if its your own death. The lack of a tangible body would raise some adjustment issues. As would the changed environment of existence, not to mention the conflict between the presence of a will to do things and the absence of a physical presence.
The death of a loved one, on the other hand, seems to require a different kind of change and that’s what I am thinking about today: how does death affect people? Does it change people? Is such change permanent? Can it be?
Why am I thinking of change in the first place? What do I want to know and why do I want to know it?
Why do people troop to people’s houses in trickles spread across days to express their condolences? Why do people express condolences? What are their motivations? Are they sincere about the loss? Why are they crowding the living room? What is the purpose of the mourning period?
Right now, I just have questions.
As far as I understand earlier it might be a period when you remember and shed all your emotions towards the deceased as you might not get time as time lapses. These days the period is rightly utilised to discuss the property division i.e who will get what, what will be the menu on 13th day etc.
I say Generation X guys…..
I absolutely think the death of a loved one changes you and permanetly. It is up to the individual if the change is a positive one or a negative one though. It all kind of goes to weather you are a victim or a survivor, you can let it make you stronger or eat at your bones like a cancer.
As for the way others react to your loss, like by crowding your living room, I think it is more of a curiosity thing. I am sure there is a feeling of genuine concern, but they want to see how you are “holding up” to your loss.
They fill your space, usually, at a ime when you need to be alone, and then when you DO need them they are no where to be found. They don’t want to hear you speak about your loss, or your feelings, it makes them to uncomfortable. So they pay their respects in a way that is deemed proper by most society and go on their way, with very few stopping to realize what an impact it has had on your life.
I guess you can’t fault them for it, it is their nature, the way of things. I always wonder when someone says “We are keeping you in our prayers” do they actually go home and pray for you? Or is it just giving a type of lip service because they don’t know what else to do?